I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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