Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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