Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
