I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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