I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
