Where is the hickey?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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