so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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