Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
