i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
