Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
