Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
