he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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