I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
