How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
