he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
