I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize