so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize