morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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