Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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