You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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