I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
