You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
