nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
