you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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