I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
