I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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