cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
