my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
