I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
