Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
