dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
