bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize