I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
