i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
