I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
