If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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