I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
