My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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