A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There r osticjed everywhere
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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