we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
