All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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