Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
