who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
