He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My bed smells like the plague
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