Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
