Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
