I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
