dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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