she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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