Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
