Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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