Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i've created a new STD.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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