I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
