I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
