How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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