please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
