How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
