I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
