I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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