last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
