Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
