Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
