i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
