I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
