He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
