so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
