I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
