Ambien. No doubt about it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
