Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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