Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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