guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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