lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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