so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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